((I wrote this with a stream of consciousness, apologies if it gets quite jumpy or confusing))
(This post was written while listening to "I Used To Do" by Clogs. It's a very beautiful piece I discovered this morning on Spotify.)
As many others are, I am soon to be leaving high school.
Part of me, sadly, can't wait for it all to be over. With many twists to life, relationships, and circumstances, it feels like the only thing to help me to move on is to leave. However, the other part of me is a little bit sad, scared, even. I never wanted to feel like this coming up to my final days. I'm scared of leaving a part of my life behind that I can never return to.
In fact, it's not just school I'm scared of leaving behind. I'm leaving home.
For university of course. Something which I'm both thrilled and nervous about. It's opened up my emotions and spilled all my tears at the same time. Both happy and sad, but usually sad. I'm trying to cling on to the moments of my life that I've always taken for granted because I've realised that things may never go back to the way they once were once I move out. I'm leaving everything and everyone I hold dear to me, and I'm sure when I arrive at my new destination my new life will have many amazing memories to follow; but for now, I feel like a little (or a lot) of mourning is required. For this new journey is one I have to throw myself into the deep end for. I'll be leaving the comforts of my own home, my family, my friends, my boyfriend. I know I'm going to miss it all, I miss them already and I've not even left yet.
Okay so back to where I left off. I know that I'm going to come back home to see everyone when I can, and I know if I get homesick they're all just a phone call away, but there's more to just missing people. It's what you miss when you're not there, it's who takes your place once it's free (my four brothers are already trying to convince my mum why they should be the one to have my room). I know this feeling is one on both ends, I've had many discussions about it already. I think all I can do really is make the most of the time I have with people while it's still in abundance, or, some sort of abundance since I still have exams.
I feel like being able to have these fears visibly in front of me as I'm writing helps a lot. It's allowed me to accept my fears, but also turn them around. Instead of fearing for my future, I should embrace it as it comes. Nobody is rushing me to leave, and this new stage in life is only temporary - just like my high school years have been. In fact, if all goes well, it will be the exact same duration. By then I'll probably be worrying about the next chapter in my life, a bit like how I am now. It's scary because its unknown, like how everything is at first, so why turn down the opportunity to experience something that's came out of the hard work that was to lead me to this goal? I'm moving because it's going to bring me one step closer to my dream job. Surely what's happening now is something I should feel very happy about. Life may change, but those we love and those who love us will always be there for us. Distance and time doesn't matter.
I'm very grateful to everyone who has pushed and supported me so far. I couldn't have asked to be surrounded by anyone greater. I couldn't be here without you. Thank you.
"It's time to say goodbye, but I think goodbyes are sad and I'd much rather say hello. Hello to a new adventure." - Ernie Harwell
(This post was written while listening to "I Used To Do" by Clogs. It's a very beautiful piece I discovered this morning on Spotify.)
As many others are, I am soon to be leaving high school.
Part of me, sadly, can't wait for it all to be over. With many twists to life, relationships, and circumstances, it feels like the only thing to help me to move on is to leave. However, the other part of me is a little bit sad, scared, even. I never wanted to feel like this coming up to my final days. I'm scared of leaving a part of my life behind that I can never return to.
In fact, it's not just school I'm scared of leaving behind. I'm leaving home.
For university of course. Something which I'm both thrilled and nervous about. It's opened up my emotions and spilled all my tears at the same time. Both happy and sad, but usually sad. I'm trying to cling on to the moments of my life that I've always taken for granted because I've realised that things may never go back to the way they once were once I move out. I'm leaving everything and everyone I hold dear to me, and I'm sure when I arrive at my new destination my new life will have many amazing memories to follow; but for now, I feel like a little (or a lot) of mourning is required. For this new journey is one I have to throw myself into the deep end for. I'll be leaving the comforts of my own home, my family, my friends, my boyfriend. I know I'm going to miss it all, I miss them already and I've not even left yet.
Okay so back to where I left off. I know that I'm going to come back home to see everyone when I can, and I know if I get homesick they're all just a phone call away, but there's more to just missing people. It's what you miss when you're not there, it's who takes your place once it's free (my four brothers are already trying to convince my mum why they should be the one to have my room). I know this feeling is one on both ends, I've had many discussions about it already. I think all I can do really is make the most of the time I have with people while it's still in abundance, or, some sort of abundance since I still have exams.
I feel like being able to have these fears visibly in front of me as I'm writing helps a lot. It's allowed me to accept my fears, but also turn them around. Instead of fearing for my future, I should embrace it as it comes. Nobody is rushing me to leave, and this new stage in life is only temporary - just like my high school years have been. In fact, if all goes well, it will be the exact same duration. By then I'll probably be worrying about the next chapter in my life, a bit like how I am now. It's scary because its unknown, like how everything is at first, so why turn down the opportunity to experience something that's came out of the hard work that was to lead me to this goal? I'm moving because it's going to bring me one step closer to my dream job. Surely what's happening now is something I should feel very happy about. Life may change, but those we love and those who love us will always be there for us. Distance and time doesn't matter.
I'm very grateful to everyone who has pushed and supported me so far. I couldn't have asked to be surrounded by anyone greater. I couldn't be here without you. Thank you.
"It's time to say goodbye, but I think goodbyes are sad and I'd much rather say hello. Hello to a new adventure." - Ernie Harwell
Aww Nadine :') Imma miss you so much you know that? But you're going to have the best time in dundee and you can always come home on weekends and one day when you're a really famous doctor it'll all be worth it! I love you :Dxx
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