Writing Under The Willow

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present."

Lately I've been thinking. I've been thinking a lot about my future: exams, universities, jobs, relationships. Just how is life going to work out? What am I supposed to do to achieve all the things I want to achieve? I've been thinking so much about it that it's been stressing me out beyond my control. My mind is so overloaded with thoughts that it has stopped me from being able to react to the stress. My mind has simply gone numb. Life is full of so many unknowns and possibilities, how can we possibly process it all?

"So teach and tell me, teach and tell me, the way these things work out." - Unravel (Toyko Ghoul)

I get so worked up about it all. I start to panic about what will happen if I make certain life choices: what will happen with my close relationships at home if I move away to study? How will I cope in the future without my parents to guide me? How do I balance my life's schedule so that I have enough time to actually live? Just how on earth am I going to be able to make a living for myself?

"I hear a bird as it whispers in my ear
It says oh what a waste of time,
Look how you live your life,
Trying to show no fear." - Plugin Stereo (Y-O-Y)

It took some time to calm my thoughts, and I admit the thoughts still cross my mind at this important time of exams, but thanks to my friends and family they have given me the reassurance I need. It's OK to take a break. It's OK to stumble every once in a while. It's all just a part of being human.

We can't work like machinery all the time, that's not how we were designed. The lows of our lives are the reason we can appreciate the wondrous highs life has to offer. It is the overbearing bag of worries that makes us feel the elevating relief once everything has eventually fallen into place. A chapter in our life doesn't end until there is some form of resolution, and although the resolution may not seem like so at the time, the pages yet to be turned reveal that in the long run, it works out for the better. Not everything good for us is necessarily what we want at that moment.

That is why we should be thinking more about what is happening around us and start paying attention to the people around us. We may worry about eventually losing these people, but why should we be grieving when we have them right here? Shouldn't we instead be lapping up all the moments we have with them; making sure that we capture every pleasurable moment with them so that none of it escapes from our memory? We spend so much time dwelling on the thought of losing them that we actually miss the moments we have with them presently. It's a pretty ironic concept really, but personally I find it true. Of course we should think of the future, but to spend your life planning your life doesn't give any form of gratification. It only leads to expectation, anticipation, and more common than not, stress.

I feel like I've been trying to run before I can walk, and I've learned that it doesn't do any good whatsoever. Those around me have noticed it more than I have. So as a result of this, and in hope of unlocking a piece of self happiness, I'm going to stick to taking baby steps. To start off, I'm going to stop fretting over getting accepted into university and start focusing on what I need most importantly before I can even have a chance of getting considered for my desired course (medicine), which is my higher exams this year. My five exams are being counted as my five first steps and I'm planning on using this way of organising my thoughts in the long run. Maybe I'll even make a step list on my blog and update it as I go! 

As a final note, embrace the day to day thrills life brings, both exciting and exasperating. After all, both are only temporary.

Thank you for reading this, please feel free to comment what you think. Every read and response will be very much appreciated. :)